Friday, May 21, 2010


"Despite writing down their self criticisms during the first day of the retreat, despite naming The Voice's presence, almost every student gets reentranced by it over the next day or two.  Since The Voice feels so much like you, and since you are utterly convinced that without it you would romp through your life without restraint or morality, releasing yourself from its grip takes a bit of time; it happens in stages." Geneen Roth, Women Food and God

I'm really struggling with the whole concept of checking in with myself every few minutes.  Checking to see how I'm feeling.  It feels narcissistic and indulgent and I realize that I don't think I am worth it.  I think this is normal back-sliding but I was kind of hoping for  Epiphany=Instantly Whole Barb.  What do you mean there's more work to all this?  I don't have time for this!


Yesterday, I signed up for an on-line conference with Geneen Roth.  I was absolutely AWASH with anxiety afterward.  But also?  Electrified at the thought of making real progress at regaining my joy. The conference begins Tuesday and will last for six weeks, an hour and a half every Tuesday night.

This morning, I was in a very depressed, tired mood despite the gorgeous weather and all I accomplished yesterday.  So I came home and threw the ball for the dogs for 45 minutes.  By the time they were too tired to bring it back, I was laughing out loud at how happy I'd made them.  I remembered how great it felt to be right in that moment, to laugh with joy.

Oh yeah, it's definitely worth it, this journey.


  1. "There are no silver bullets. Only silver bbs."

    I too wish for an Epiphany. And I wonder how many silver bbs it will take to equal a silver bullet.

    But I vow to keep track of, to notice and find all the bbs.

    Also, I'm not sure I like using ammunition as an analogy so I'm trying to visualize shooting holes in my malaise and letting the glorious joy shine through.

  2. Each one of us is on a journey. We have to believe in the possibility of change and of peace. If we hold true to our faith in ourselves ALL things are possible. They may not be easy, but they are possible. There is so much value in you if you believe it to be.

    Taking care of yourself is the greatest gift that you could give to those who love you most. It is the greatest lesson that we can teach our children. It took me a long time to realize that being "selfish" (taking care of me) was really ok. As women and as moms we often forget to do that.

    Find joy in simple things. We waste so much energy not celebrating the simple things.

    Take care of you...

  3. You are worth it. And think of the wonderful example you are setting for your girls.

    And a tired dog is the bestest kind.

  4. Okay, I am loving her latest book. How did you find the online conference?? It sounds so interesting. FYI- I love your new blog, it makes me think.